Why You Shouldn't Feel Guilty Eating the Cake?

Food guilt... we've all been there.

If I even told you what that consisted of for me growing up, you'd be surprised. Growing up over weight was one of the hardest experiences I've faced within my life... the constant ridicule... the constant being told what to do, what to eat, how to lose weight... the toxic media associated with fad diets and discriminating against any body that looked remotely different from a size 0-2... and the scale, the doctors, the family members telling you that you need to stop eating this and that in order to lose weight...

After having successfully lost 80 pounds in 2015 with restrictive dieting and intense cardio... something everyone fed to me growing up as "the way to lose weight"... I learned that was far from the truth. Because of my restrictive dieting, I developed yet another unhealthy relationship with food. I went from eating everything in sight to making sure I hit exactly 1200 calories every single time... I mean, that was the number everyone assigned if you were on any journey to lose weight, fat, whatever the case may be... Again, WRONG. SO SO SOOOO WRONG.

The things we were told about fitness and nutrition were far from the truth. I was told to eat 1200 calories a day, stay away from all sugar, cut carbs, and then I'd be successful...

Well, here I am, successful on another fitness journey, one that's sustainable, and with a healthy relationship with my body and food, and here I am, telling you to toss that BS out the window... I eat what I want when I want... I don't count or track calories... I don't follow a specific diet plan or follow any of the fads... I don't weigh myself, I don't listen to the media, I don't listen to anyone in regards to health and fitness, except for me, and my body...

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So how do you ditch food guilt + restrictive dieting?

1. STOP saying the word 'DIET'

It's not a diet. It is a lifestyle. The word diet has such a negative, toxic connotation. It teaches you an unhealthy relationship with food because you convince yourself you'll never be able to eat some of your favorite foods again, which is far from the truth.

And if you do eat one of your favorite foods, such as a burger, pizza, ice cream, whatever the case may be... you tell yourself that you've cheated on your diet, might as well eat like crap the rest of the day, since you already feel guilty for doing so. You create this toxic cycle within your head and your body follows suit, believing that you'll just start tomorrow. However, if you create a healthier lifestyle, and let's say you're craving pizza, GO GET THE PIZZA. MAKE IT. BUY IT.

Buy a cauliflower pizza or your own alternative, rather than ordering it if you want to find that healthier alternative, but the more you restrict yourself from having that one or two slices of pizza, the more your body starts to crave it, and the next time you get the pizza, you'll binge it because you'll think, "well, I have to get my fix before I'm not allowed to have this again".

What that does to your brain is train you to binge food every single time you have one of the options you've convinced yourself you're not allowed while on your diet... you then eat more, feel even more guilty, and continue with the cycle, until your "diet" always "starts tomorrow".

A healthier lifestyle is exactly that, a healthier lifestyle. We're allowed pizza on weekdays if we choose. We're allowed chocolate past 8pm. We're allowed to listen to our bodies. Period.

2. DITCH the scale. YES, YOU HEARD ME.

Both times I've been successful on a fitness journey, I stopped weighing myself. I stopped referring to a number. Not only do I find the scale extremely toxic, especially if you find yourself stepping on it daily, but it is not going to be truthful with you for months at a time.

The last time I truly weighed myself was in May. May of 2020! And the reason being is because I don't need the extra pressure of a number to tell me what I ate over the weekend, and what it added to my body. Your body IS NOT going to gain weight in one day, one weekend, or sometimes even one week. When you are stepping on the scale daily, and celebrating one day because you lost 3 pounds, and then mourning the next because it says you gained 2 pounds of the 3 you lost... that's toxic.

It's not a true 3 pounds, it's not a true 2 pounds... our bodies and weight fluctuate so much, even in a given day... I can start out my day and by the end of it, I'm 4 pounds heavier, but that's from the sodium, the water retention... that is not fat being added to my body.

When I ditched the scale from the equation, I felt free... I remember weighing myself growing up when I was overweight... I'd hop on it daily, just to see it up one day and down the next... I never knew the true progress my body was making, and on the days I was up, I felt so guilty and disgusted with myself, so I emotionally binged... and then the days I was down, I thought I did "good" so I celebrated by binging more food... I couldn't win with the scale, it was an endless battle I'm so glad I stopped fighting... and so should you... feed your body what makes you feel good, and measure your progress in different ways... your energy, your mood, how your clothes feel...

3. REWIRE the way you think about food.

We need to come to this place of realizing that food is fuel. When we eat, no matter what we are eating, we are fueling our bodies. Every type of food is good in moderation.

Learning how to think about food from such a different perspective was one of the biggest challenges in finding balance within my diet...

My restrictive diet led me to deny cakes, cookies, ice cream, everything I could ever possibly enjoy. I didn't eat them on holidays, on my birthday, no matter the occasion, I stayed away because I was so afraid of completely going back to my binge ways and eating everything in sight. And let me tell you, I did... once I moved to Orlando, FL to work for Disney World, I had one bite of one of the best cookies I had ever tasted in what felt like my life... I couldn't stay away, but the guilt and emotional stress I felt at the time led me to turning to food again for comfort... I was so unkind to my body and the way I thought about food...

Positive affirmations go a long way, no just in the way you think about yourself, but the way you think about other things as well. Affirm to yourself that having one cookie isn't going to equate to gaining 2 pounds on the scale. Take a moment, and just enjoy the cookie.

4. STOP labeling food.

We all do it, or at least have been there. We've labeled food as "good food" and "bad food", and if I've learned anything through having toxic relationships with food is that labeling them as such creates a negative, unruly relationship with food.

Ultimately, you are doing more than suggesting that eating pizza is "bad", but your brain starts to believe that you're actually the "bad" one for making the choice to enjoy a slice of pizza.

That is when food guilt, unhealthy relationships with food, and even ourselves are formed. Food is fuel, and like I said, everything can be enjoyed in moderation, and there is always a healthier alternative.

At the end of the day, having a slice of pizza at your niece's birthday party doesn't make you so much a "bad person cheating on their diet" as much as a "person living her life and making memories with those that matter most".

Focus on fueling your body with foods that make you feel good, all while allowing yourself to enjoy food and memories with those who are important to you.

5. Be KIND to yourself.

It's okay to snack and indulge. The scale will not immediately bulk up 5 pounds of body fat overnight.

You are allowed to enjoy your life. You are allowed to indulge and enjoy food.

Honestly, something that helped me most in forming a healthy relationship with food was understanding the reason behind what I was eating, how much of it I was eating, and why I felt like I had to eat it all in one sitting before I wasn't "allowed" it again. EYE ROLL.

Food gives our bodies a dopamine high, so when we feel under emotional stress, sad, depressed, etc., often times we use food to comfort those emotions, instead of finding a healthier way to deal with the stresses of the world.

Through affirmations, journaling, and taking responsibility for the emotions I was feeling, rather than turn to food to give me what felt like a moment of happiness, I took control of my thoughts, and feelings, and saw a change in the way I used food.

Food was no longer something that served as a band-aid to patch up the wounds within me, but rather a way to fuel and energize my body throughout the process. And it isn't an easy process. It isn't easy to basically rewire your subconscious brain on why you eat food, and the food that you do eat... so be kind to yourself every single day.

It is a hard, long journey, and a constant battle you'll have to face each and everyday. Sometimes, I still face decisions where I eat something and consider myself as making a "bad" choice. You have to talk to yourself with kind words, and be patient.

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At the end of the day, we have to fuel our bodies. Relying on a number, a scale, a fad diet, and external influences telling us what to eat, how much of it to eat, and whether we're making "good" or "bad" choices is hard to stray away from when it's nearly a societal standard.

I used to starve myself at birthday parties and family events because I didn't want to be the "fat girl" eating in front of everyone else, and in turn, the moment I got home, I ate everything in sight, because I was starving.

Don't be the girl that starves herself. Don't be the girl that restricts herself or obsesses over every last calorie she puts into her body.

Be the girl that listens to her body. Be the girl that doesn't rely on a number to tell her how beautiful she is. Be the girl that enjoys her life. Be the girl that lives freely, and is not trapped by societal norms, social media, or external influences telling her how she should fuel her body.

Be the girl that eats the damn piece of cake.