To the Parts of Me I Failed to Love...

To the parts of me I failed to love, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I let you suffer.

I'm sorry I kept you boxed away.

I'm sorry I told you to keep quiet.

I'm sorry I sacrificed you in replace of another.

I'm sorry I failed to accept all of the beautiful and wonderful things about you.

I'm sorry for not loving you in the ways I should have.

You see, I tucked you away because I thought it was easier to hide you than to be outcast in a society that benefits off mockery and injustice. I told you to keep quiet when your voice was most needed. And in doing so, I allowed you to suffer through years of hardship, years of toxic relationships and behaviors, years of abuse within your own mind.

You were never able to truly turn off your mind, because I wouldn't let you. The moments where I let you suffer in silence rather than express your pain, your passion, your virtue...the louder the cries within your own mind grew.

A place you were supposed to feel safe, and I couldn't even give you that much. That tiny of a gesture showing you the slightest bit of kindness would have crumbled everything -- your relationships, your friendships, the spotlight you were trying to be in...

In silence, you suffered. In silence, your pain grew. In silence, you couldn't blossom into the person you were meant to be. In silence, you were stuck. In silence, you weren't you.

And in failing to let you be you for so many years, I forgive you. I forgive you for not letting your voice be heard, but now you have a stronger one. I forgive you for not allowing you to embrace your shadows, but now your shadows are the very thing calling you to uplift humanity. I forgive you for not allowing you to be free in vulnerability, but now you seek freedom in vulnerability. I forgive you for not allowing you to love yourself in the way you should have, but now you are speaking to others in a way that provides a loving, comforting safe space for them to nurture their own hearts.

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Self-forgiveness is the number one step in healing, loving, and accepting all parts of you. We are constantly in a world where we are told what to be, how to think, how to act, and it shames us into a dark corner where we shrink ourselves to be something we're not and deal with our demons in silence. We see vulnerability as weakness without realizing the true power it holds within. We see being our true selves as a form of isolation due to the loss of friendships, relationships, and changes that take place. We see being whole as sharing our lives with a partner. We see being free as having unlimited material wealth, and seek out money rather than what our souls are being called to.

For the longest time, I was filled with regret, shame, and sadness based on actions or choices I have made, and while it took some time, learning how to forgive myself and accept myself through the constant uphill battle of life changed my entire worldview and perception.

So let me ask you this, are you constantly ashamed of your actions and the choices you make, whether that is food guilt, acting impulsively, making a bad decision? Sit with yourself for just this moment, and comes to a place where you acknowledge the actions and choices you've made, and then remind yourself that you have acted the best you could in the circumstances you were given, and then release. Let go of the day. Let go of the actions. Affirm, what's meant to be will always be, and continue to nurture, heal, and love your soul with every ounce of your being.

I love you.

xoxo,

Taylor